TNA Impact: December 20, 2007
Merry Christmas to those who read this! Figured I'd get one more post up for the holiday season, and today I'm covering what, I assume has to be tongue in cheek, what TNA has titled "The Greatest Wrestling Christmas Episode EVER?" on their Youtube channel, because Jesus Christ, I've seen this show covered on OSW Review and Bryan and Vinny, and it is a nightmare. But I'm a masochist so let's take a look.
The opening video package talks about what Christmas is about normally, before announcing what this show has in store. Good god, this will be hell won't it?
Cut to the TNA Christmas party with Eric Young and JB. Eric introduces his family, and they have a lemur. In walks... a Bushwhacker? OK I wasn't expecting that.
We get TNA's usual opening package and pyro, Mike Tenay and Don West on commentary from the Impact Zone in Orlando Florida. We have a cage set up with Christmas lights hung up all around. Looks like we're starting with Six Sides of Steel, and apparently Matt Morgan is filling in for Jim Cornette. Commentary go over the matches and stipulations for tonight's show.
Morgan is in the ring and welcomes us to the holiday edition of Impact. He's basically here to hype up the show.
Onto our first match.
8-Man Tag Team Christmas Chaos Cage Match: Rock 'n' Rave Connection (Lance Hoyt & Jimmy Rave) (w/ Christy Hemme), "Cowboy" James Storm (w/ Jackie Moore) & Robert Roode (w/ Miss Brooks) vs LAX (Homicide & Hernandez), Scott Steiner & Booker T (w/ Sharmell)
James and Bobby pre-Beer Money teaming tonight. We learn that, for some reason, Scott Steiner won an X-Division title shot in Feast or Fired, while Petey Williams got the World Title shot and Christopher Daniels got fired. LAX has something going on with Christy Hemme and the Rock 'n' Rave connection, and Booker and Roode have a thing going.
We're going the tag in/tag out style for this match for some reason. The lights thankfully don't obstruct your view too much, can't say the same about the live audience though. The match is pretty fast paced and pretty good if not a bit chaotic near the end. Christy tries to get an item in to the Jimmy Rave but a member of LAX cuts her off. Booker hits a Book End on... I think Jimmy Rave to get the win for his team in 4:31. Alright, not too bad for an opening match.
Back at the Christmas party, Eric is a bit creeped out by a reindeer in red suspenders. Beautiful People are here to "service" the guests and Eric is completely oblivious to what they're talking about. He introduces them to his slob cousins before ODB joins the party. Eric's whole thing is that Santa is coming, and asks her if she wants to service the guests too. Awesome Kong is in next, making an awkward silence. He makes her bathroom attendant and she's not having any of it.
Out come Team 3D and X-Division champion Johnny Devine, as Santas and an elf. There's something in the ring covered by a red sheet, seemingly some kind of chair. Team 3D wishes everyone a merry Christmas. They call out Jay Lethal and MCMG and want to apologize for how they've treated them, since 'tis the season. Instead we get some little people to impersonate them. Santa sits on his throne while fans chant for the Machine Guns. I mean it should be obvious how this goes, all the little guys asking for presents on Bubba's lap and he tosses them around. Bubba gets slapped and the three proceed to beat the crap out of the impersonators. MCMG and Lethal come out and end it. They suggest we start the match now and make a fat joke about Bubba and candy canes.
Double North Pole Match: Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin) & "Black Machismo" Jay Lethal vs Team 3D (Brother Ray & Brother D-Von & X-Division Champion Johnny Devine
This is basically a Stockings on Two Poles Match. On one pole is an Ultimate X Match, the other a Plate Glass Table Match, to decide what the stipulation will be for Final Resolution. First team to take down their preferred stocking gets the win. Team 3D are still in their Santa outfits, Johnny in his elf outfit.
Action is pretty good to be fair to these guys, it just gets bogged down by this stupid stipulation. The little people get involved to help MCMG and Lethal. Lethal and his little equivalent hit tandem elbow drops on Team 3D, allowing one of the guns to pull down the Ultimate X stocking and get the win in 6:04. Wasn't too long thankfully, but it was a bit ridiculous near the end.
Back at the Christmas party, everyone's singing Christmas carols, while Eric's cousins have pissed off Kong. In comes Kevin Nash with a bottle of.... something. Beautiful People are on him to "service" him, ODB calls them sluts before a fight breaks out between the knockouts.
Back from commercial and in comes Angle and Karen. Kurt pulls Eric aside and tells him Santa doesn't exist, and he's not having any of it. Goofy stuff but I mean Eric does it good. Kurt asks for booze because he can't deal with this.
9-Woman Non-Title Santa's Workshop Knockouts Street Fight: ODB, Roxxi Laveaux of Voodo Kin Mafia, Ms. Jackie Moore, Christy Hemme of Rock 'n' Rave Connection, Ms. Brooks, Awesome Kong, The Beautiful People (Angelina Love & Velvet Sky) & Knockouts Champion Gail Kim
We see Samoa Joe arriving at the arena as the Beautiful People make their entrance.
So the gimmick of this match is that there's a toy box in the ring with an assortment of weapons to use on each other.
Kim and Kong fight near the entrance way and to the back while the other ladies uses the various toys from the toy box.
Sometime after Kong comes out without Gail, a little worse for wear. Kong quickly cleans house and nails Christ with an Awesome Bomb to win in 3:43. A nothing match.
Kim comes out with a chair, managing to avoid an Awesome Bomb, and starts wailing on Kong with the chair, including one over the head. Security has to come in break them up.
Matt Morgan has joined the Christmas party and Chris Harris soon joins the fun. He complains about the lack of party going, and looks for a present. He complains about not having a present for his birthday. Next comes in MCMG and the little people, they start jumping on the couch. Lethal is in next. Then Sonjay Dutt. Then So Cal Val. He's excitedly waiting for Santa. She's got mistletoe and tries to get a kiss from Lethal but Sonjay sneaks in.
Back from break, Crystal is interviewing Joe. He tells her to screw off, asking if he'll be at the Christmas party. He says they should use the money instead on his contract. He's clearly pissed about not getting Christian's title shot. He asks for Matt Morgan and she tells him he's at the Christmas party. He tells her to send him a messsage that he'll be there and that it'll be a party he'll never forget.
We get a video package highlighting Abyss' issues with James Mitchell and Judas Mesias.
Silent Night, Bloody Night 4-Way Match: Rellik vs Black Reign (Dustin Runnels) vs Abyss vs Shark Boy
This is essentially a hardcore match. There's a barbed wire Christmas tree hanging from the rafters, only a few inches off the mat (yes you read that right) along with presents containing various weapons. Sharkboy is out with a neck brace and taped up ribs. They explain that Black Reign is Dustin's dark, demented split personality. So there's that.
I mean if you're into these kinds of matches then you'll probably enjoy it. It wasn't too extreme, and aside from the absurdity of the Christmas tree, it's not too bad a match, kind of fun. Rellik and Reign spend most of the time teaming together, on and off it seems.
James Mitchell causes a distraction allowing Judas to appear after the lights go out. Judas hits his Straight to Hell into some thumbtacks, Rellik follows up with a Demon Driver (brainbuster) on Shark Boy to get the win in 6;27. Oddly enough, other than the "blood" Rellik and Judas spit out, there was no blood in this match.
Back at the Christmas party and Joe has arrived to confront Morgan. Joe criticizes for holding a party instead of giving the TV time to wrestling, Morgan says he's taking care of his boys. He tells Morgan to tell Cornette to take the contract he was offered and stick it. Joe apologizes for crashing the party, wishes everyone but Sonjay a merry Christmas and decides to trash the party, before wishing Morgan a happy New Year.
Back from the break, JB and Eric are upset as everyone's left, and Eric still believes Santa's gonna fix everything. JB is just sitting there drinking and tries to convince Eric that Santa is fictional, before "Santa" arrives.
Time for our main event...
Grab the Reindeer Ladder Match: Tag Team Champion AJ Styles vs Kaz
Winner grabs the reindeer head hanging over the ring. Loser has to wear the reindeer costume. Yeah, this is your main event. And yes, Russo was writing at this time, so should we really be surprised by any of this?
In all fairness, AJ and Kaz put on a good match, but again, it was bogged down by this ridiculous stipulation. Angle comes down to cheer on AJ but only distracts him, allowing Kaz to take advantage and push him off the ladder, get the win in 9:01. Again, decent match with dumbass stipulations, not much else to say.
They spend at least 5 minutes of just trying to put the reindeer costume on AJ with referees and Kurt making this agonizingly long. Kurt tells him to get out of the ring and go back to his hotel room.
Eric Young and Santa arrive to Kurt's confusion. Santa hands out treats to the fans as commentary shout that Santa is real. They enter the ring and laugh at Kurt, while Snata offers him a DVD of some kind. Kurt chuckles, tosses it away. Kurt insists there's no such thing as Santa and jokes that Shrek might come out too.. The absurdity of this segment... Kurt says what he wants for Christmas is for Christian to grow some balls and show up. Then he proceeds to assault Santa and Eric. Camera cuts to a crying child as he applies the Ankle Lock on Kurt, while Christian breaks out of a present at ringside. Chris nails Kurt with the title belt, and gets him in an Ankle Lock before Kurt manages to escape. Christian stands tall as we get a recap video of tonight's matches, as if we needed that.
FINAL THOUGHTS
You know, this show made me appreciate WWE's holiday shows. I mean sure, they do goofy stupid shit, and that dumb Miracle on 34th Street Fight every year, but... Jesus Christ this show... Aside from the opening cage match, and even the Christmas party bits, this show was a mess, but what do you expect when Russo is writing the show?
With that, I wish everyone a happy holidays.
The opening video package talks about what Christmas is about normally, before announcing what this show has in store. Good god, this will be hell won't it?
Cut to the TNA Christmas party with Eric Young and JB. Eric introduces his family, and they have a lemur. In walks... a Bushwhacker? OK I wasn't expecting that.
We get TNA's usual opening package and pyro, Mike Tenay and Don West on commentary from the Impact Zone in Orlando Florida. We have a cage set up with Christmas lights hung up all around. Looks like we're starting with Six Sides of Steel, and apparently Matt Morgan is filling in for Jim Cornette. Commentary go over the matches and stipulations for tonight's show.
Morgan is in the ring and welcomes us to the holiday edition of Impact. He's basically here to hype up the show.
Onto our first match.
8-Man Tag Team Christmas Chaos Cage Match: Rock 'n' Rave Connection (Lance Hoyt & Jimmy Rave) (w/ Christy Hemme), "Cowboy" James Storm (w/ Jackie Moore) & Robert Roode (w/ Miss Brooks) vs LAX (Homicide & Hernandez), Scott Steiner & Booker T (w/ Sharmell)
James and Bobby pre-Beer Money teaming tonight. We learn that, for some reason, Scott Steiner won an X-Division title shot in Feast or Fired, while Petey Williams got the World Title shot and Christopher Daniels got fired. LAX has something going on with Christy Hemme and the Rock 'n' Rave connection, and Booker and Roode have a thing going.
We're going the tag in/tag out style for this match for some reason. The lights thankfully don't obstruct your view too much, can't say the same about the live audience though. The match is pretty fast paced and pretty good if not a bit chaotic near the end. Christy tries to get an item in to the Jimmy Rave but a member of LAX cuts her off. Booker hits a Book End on... I think Jimmy Rave to get the win for his team in 4:31. Alright, not too bad for an opening match.
Back at the Christmas party, Eric is a bit creeped out by a reindeer in red suspenders. Beautiful People are here to "service" the guests and Eric is completely oblivious to what they're talking about. He introduces them to his slob cousins before ODB joins the party. Eric's whole thing is that Santa is coming, and asks her if she wants to service the guests too. Awesome Kong is in next, making an awkward silence. He makes her bathroom attendant and she's not having any of it.
Out come Team 3D and X-Division champion Johnny Devine, as Santas and an elf. There's something in the ring covered by a red sheet, seemingly some kind of chair. Team 3D wishes everyone a merry Christmas. They call out Jay Lethal and MCMG and want to apologize for how they've treated them, since 'tis the season. Instead we get some little people to impersonate them. Santa sits on his throne while fans chant for the Machine Guns. I mean it should be obvious how this goes, all the little guys asking for presents on Bubba's lap and he tosses them around. Bubba gets slapped and the three proceed to beat the crap out of the impersonators. MCMG and Lethal come out and end it. They suggest we start the match now and make a fat joke about Bubba and candy canes.
Double North Pole Match: Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin) & "Black Machismo" Jay Lethal vs Team 3D (Brother Ray & Brother D-Von & X-Division Champion Johnny Devine
This is basically a Stockings on Two Poles Match. On one pole is an Ultimate X Match, the other a Plate Glass Table Match, to decide what the stipulation will be for Final Resolution. First team to take down their preferred stocking gets the win. Team 3D are still in their Santa outfits, Johnny in his elf outfit.
Action is pretty good to be fair to these guys, it just gets bogged down by this stupid stipulation. The little people get involved to help MCMG and Lethal. Lethal and his little equivalent hit tandem elbow drops on Team 3D, allowing one of the guns to pull down the Ultimate X stocking and get the win in 6:04. Wasn't too long thankfully, but it was a bit ridiculous near the end.
Back at the Christmas party, everyone's singing Christmas carols, while Eric's cousins have pissed off Kong. In comes Kevin Nash with a bottle of.... something. Beautiful People are on him to "service" him, ODB calls them sluts before a fight breaks out between the knockouts.
Back from commercial and in comes Angle and Karen. Kurt pulls Eric aside and tells him Santa doesn't exist, and he's not having any of it. Goofy stuff but I mean Eric does it good. Kurt asks for booze because he can't deal with this.
9-Woman Non-Title Santa's Workshop Knockouts Street Fight: ODB, Roxxi Laveaux of Voodo Kin Mafia, Ms. Jackie Moore, Christy Hemme of Rock 'n' Rave Connection, Ms. Brooks, Awesome Kong, The Beautiful People (Angelina Love & Velvet Sky) & Knockouts Champion Gail Kim
We see Samoa Joe arriving at the arena as the Beautiful People make their entrance.
So the gimmick of this match is that there's a toy box in the ring with an assortment of weapons to use on each other.
Kim and Kong fight near the entrance way and to the back while the other ladies uses the various toys from the toy box.
Sometime after Kong comes out without Gail, a little worse for wear. Kong quickly cleans house and nails Christ with an Awesome Bomb to win in 3:43. A nothing match.
Kim comes out with a chair, managing to avoid an Awesome Bomb, and starts wailing on Kong with the chair, including one over the head. Security has to come in break them up.
Matt Morgan has joined the Christmas party and Chris Harris soon joins the fun. He complains about the lack of party going, and looks for a present. He complains about not having a present for his birthday. Next comes in MCMG and the little people, they start jumping on the couch. Lethal is in next. Then Sonjay Dutt. Then So Cal Val. He's excitedly waiting for Santa. She's got mistletoe and tries to get a kiss from Lethal but Sonjay sneaks in.
Back from break, Crystal is interviewing Joe. He tells her to screw off, asking if he'll be at the Christmas party. He says they should use the money instead on his contract. He's clearly pissed about not getting Christian's title shot. He asks for Matt Morgan and she tells him he's at the Christmas party. He tells her to send him a messsage that he'll be there and that it'll be a party he'll never forget.
We get a video package highlighting Abyss' issues with James Mitchell and Judas Mesias.
Silent Night, Bloody Night 4-Way Match: Rellik vs Black Reign (Dustin Runnels) vs Abyss vs Shark Boy
This is essentially a hardcore match. There's a barbed wire Christmas tree hanging from the rafters, only a few inches off the mat (yes you read that right) along with presents containing various weapons. Sharkboy is out with a neck brace and taped up ribs. They explain that Black Reign is Dustin's dark, demented split personality. So there's that.
I mean if you're into these kinds of matches then you'll probably enjoy it. It wasn't too extreme, and aside from the absurdity of the Christmas tree, it's not too bad a match, kind of fun. Rellik and Reign spend most of the time teaming together, on and off it seems.
James Mitchell causes a distraction allowing Judas to appear after the lights go out. Judas hits his Straight to Hell into some thumbtacks, Rellik follows up with a Demon Driver (brainbuster) on Shark Boy to get the win in 6;27. Oddly enough, other than the "blood" Rellik and Judas spit out, there was no blood in this match.
Back at the Christmas party and Joe has arrived to confront Morgan. Joe criticizes for holding a party instead of giving the TV time to wrestling, Morgan says he's taking care of his boys. He tells Morgan to tell Cornette to take the contract he was offered and stick it. Joe apologizes for crashing the party, wishes everyone but Sonjay a merry Christmas and decides to trash the party, before wishing Morgan a happy New Year.
Back from the break, JB and Eric are upset as everyone's left, and Eric still believes Santa's gonna fix everything. JB is just sitting there drinking and tries to convince Eric that Santa is fictional, before "Santa" arrives.
Time for our main event...
Grab the Reindeer Ladder Match: Tag Team Champion AJ Styles vs Kaz
Winner grabs the reindeer head hanging over the ring. Loser has to wear the reindeer costume. Yeah, this is your main event. And yes, Russo was writing at this time, so should we really be surprised by any of this?
In all fairness, AJ and Kaz put on a good match, but again, it was bogged down by this ridiculous stipulation. Angle comes down to cheer on AJ but only distracts him, allowing Kaz to take advantage and push him off the ladder, get the win in 9:01. Again, decent match with dumbass stipulations, not much else to say.
They spend at least 5 minutes of just trying to put the reindeer costume on AJ with referees and Kurt making this agonizingly long. Kurt tells him to get out of the ring and go back to his hotel room.
Eric Young and Santa arrive to Kurt's confusion. Santa hands out treats to the fans as commentary shout that Santa is real. They enter the ring and laugh at Kurt, while Snata offers him a DVD of some kind. Kurt chuckles, tosses it away. Kurt insists there's no such thing as Santa and jokes that Shrek might come out too.. The absurdity of this segment... Kurt says what he wants for Christmas is for Christian to grow some balls and show up. Then he proceeds to assault Santa and Eric. Camera cuts to a crying child as he applies the Ankle Lock on Kurt, while Christian breaks out of a present at ringside. Chris nails Kurt with the title belt, and gets him in an Ankle Lock before Kurt manages to escape. Christian stands tall as we get a recap video of tonight's matches, as if we needed that.
FINAL THOUGHTS
You know, this show made me appreciate WWE's holiday shows. I mean sure, they do goofy stupid shit, and that dumb Miracle on 34th Street Fight every year, but... Jesus Christ this show... Aside from the opening cage match, and even the Christmas party bits, this show was a mess, but what do you expect when Russo is writing the show?
With that, I wish everyone a happy holidays.
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